Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Measuring Success: January 2019

I wasn't planning on doing a Measuring Success update for January. It was a short blog month and I didn't want it to feel like it was all about my weight. But then I got Carter's first birthday photos back and then I listened to this amazing sermon on Sunday and had an 'a ha!' moment. So, you get a Measuring Success post.

Back in early January, I shared that I'm now pre-diabetic and am eating a low(er) carb diet to help control my weight and A1C number. It's been a month since I started that journey and I'm down 5 pounds. That's a modest weight loss for a month, but that's a really good number for me. In the past, that would have taken two to three months. I'm really proud of it. But that's not what makes me want to share.

We did Carter's first birthday photos a few weekends ago. The fact that we've even done them and that we're almost to a year is crazy and a whole other post. But, we got back those photos. And I love every single one of them. But I really love this one of me and my boy.

Photo by Linsley Schneider Photography
This is a woman that is beaming with love for her little boy. She's proud to be his mom. She's not worried about how fat she looks. Don't get me wrong, I totally adjusted my shirt a few times during that session, but mostly, I was having fun with Carter and Aaron. Those photos were about my little man and us as a family, not just me. But we also took them so that I would have a few photos of me with Carter that a) aren't a selfie and b) aren't horribly unflattering because husbands have an uncanny ability to take the most horrific photo of you. There are entire memes about this, so I know it's not just me. But that day, I felt pretty. I wasn't awkward, I didn't mind being in front of the camera. I wasn't sure how those photos were going to come out and that was okay.

But they came out beautifully. And all I see is how much I love that kid. Five pounds isn't a huge number, but feeling like I can do this, like it's something that can be handled and not this overwhelming scary thing is huge.

And then I sat in church on Sunday. And one of the campus pastors was preaching about feeling hopeless. He read some twitter posts with #hopeless. They were pretty funny. He then asked us to write down what we felt hopeless about. And I thought. And I thought. And I honestly couldn't come up with something. Usually, it would be my weight or my size. My health. But, it's not hopeless. Part of that is because I've learned that I can do this in my own way. But it's also because after I spoke with my doctor, I gave it all to God. I decided what I would do, but I also put it in his hands. And I left it.

So here I am. Not hopeless. So proud of how beautiful I feel looking at this photo and so very, very proud of this amazing little man. He keeps me on my toes, but he is the sweetest. He's also teaching more about myself than I ever thought possible. Mostly, he's teaching me to love myself a little more, trust God and that it's going to be okay.

And don't worry, you'll get to see the rest of his photos soon. He turns one this month and I can't wait to show him off!